Reviewer Jump-Kicks Macho Steakhouse's Dick And Balls Into The Sun

Beast is a self-consciously primal London steak-and-crab restaurant, all ludicrously oversized tables and steaks and crab legs and prices, presented gravely as though in mourning of the fallen at Helm's Deep; a display of such over-the-top machismo that even Vladimir Putin rolls his eyes at it when he flies overhead… » 10/20/14 11:22am Yesterday 11:22am

How To Make Fried Mozzarella, Instead Of Getting It At A Crummy Bar

It's a perverse testament to fried mozzarella's greatness that even in its shittiest incarnations, even when it's just battered and deep-fried sticks of rubbery Polly-O string cheese prepared and served at your local dire corporate chain eatery with all the care and enthusiasm of a wino tumbling down a flight of… » 10/18/14 11:51am Saturday 11:51am

Damn, Millennials, Pizza Hut Thinks You're Super Boring

Much of the content of this Washington Post report on the diverging fortunes of delivery pizza giants Domino's and Pizza Hut—the former is thriving, the latter not s'much—passes harmlessly overhead, as remote and incomprehensible as solar wind washing harmlessly over the Earth's magnetic field. Domino's has a… » 10/16/14 1:41pm Thursday 1:41pm

NPR: Ebola Might Make Chocolate Expensive (While Killing Lots Of People)

Yeesh. Lotta scary Ebola news these days. Between the situation in Africa seemingly spiraling beyond anyone's control, a botched containment job at Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital, and exposed people breaking quarantine to go strolling around New Jersey, presumably barfing Ebola blood on school bus door handles,… » 10/15/14 1:26pm 10/15/14 1:26pm

Engagement Chicken: A History of Romantic Culinary Bullshit

We're just six weeks short of Thanksgiving, which means two things: First, if your Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year plans involve air travel, book your ticket now or suffer the financial consequences. Secondly, if you're looking to get hitched over the holidays and believe in magic, it might be time to bust out the… » 10/15/14 12:56pm 10/15/14 12:56pm

How To Braise A Big Chuck Roast, And Stave Off Scurvy, For Now

Living the life of a regular person—teetering indefinitely on the edge of total destitution, that is to say—you get familiar with the tension between the limits of your financial wherewithal and the ugh like totally selfish desire to not just eat pasta and plain rice and cereal all the time and get scurvy. » 10/11/14 2:48pm 10/11/14 2:48pm

You Like Bacon Because They Told You To

You are a North American, and probably a male, and so you like bacon. Bacon good, you say, making that Tim Allen caveman face: Me like bacon. Me not want to eat unbacon food. Bacon make food better. Me put bacon on burger, in chocolate, around scallop. Me brush teeth with bacon toothpaste. Me make love to wife… » 10/06/14 4:50pm 10/06/14 4:50pm

How To Make Roast Pork Tenderloin, The X-Rated Cut Of Meat

There's simply no way around it: The pork tenderloin is weird-lookin'. It's shaped—well, dammit, it's shaped like a big ol' penis. You unwrap it from the butcher paper and you step back and you go, damn, man, this pork tenderloin looks like a dong. Can I manipulate this giant dong? This seems weird. Is this… » 10/04/14 1:14pm 10/04/14 1:14pm

Who Drinks The Most Beer And Wine In The World?

The smart folks over at CompareCamp made a fun (and super-huge!) infographic of beer and wine knowledge. Among the interesting facts: Europeans are some damn boozehounds! They're drinking circles around us, America. Of special note is the Vatican, which trounces the world in per capita wine consumption; according… » 10/02/14 10:46am 10/02/14 10:46am

Wendy's Pulled Pork Cheese Fries Are The Saddest Meal

This is not really a review of the Wendy's Pulled Pork Cheese Fries; in order for it to function as a review, I would have to go to a Wendy's location and say, aloud, to a Wendy's employee, "I will have the Pulled Pork Cheese Fries," and I can't even rehearse that without my hands literally punching me in the face of… » 10/01/14 3:31pm 10/01/14 3:31pm