Sriracha Declared A Public Nuisance; Civilization To Collapse

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, motherfuckers: It tolls for sriracha. In a unanimous, bourgeois-food-world-rocking vote Wednesday evening, the City Council of Irwindale, California declared the noxious hot-sauce fumes emitting from the town's Huy Fong Foods factory a [dun dun dun] public nuisance.

This gives the factory 90 days from the council's next meeting (at which the public-nuisance vote will be transformed into an official resolution) to mitigate the acrid, mucous-membrane-irritating odor. Which, lemme tell you, if that mitigation takes the form of a closed-down sriracha factory (as opposed to, say, some kind of giant enclosing smell-wall, I mean I am not an engineer, here, a giant wall sounds OK to me, or maybe a giant fan that blows the stink out to sea would be awesome?), will absolutely wreck shit for your local pho joint, as well as for your own crippling addiction to the stuff.

Really, there are two ways to look at this. The first way is to focus on the imminent unavailability of sriracha, and clamp a garbage bag around your head. The second, more optimistic way of looking at it is to see that you have three months (and change) to stock up on as much sriracha as you can get, and investigate how much cash you could get in trade for all of your blood.

There are no other ways of looking at this.

[Los Angeles Times]